Jesus on Divorce

Yesterday we read a large section from the Sermon on the Mount.  It was too large, in fact, to adequately comment on all of it.  Normally I take this in stride, but yesterday’s text makes that a bit harder.  Yesterday we read Jesus’ words on divorce from the Sermon on the Mount, namely, that anyone who divorces his wife makes her commit adultery and whoever marries a woman who has been divorced commits adultery.  I think this needs to be commented on for three reasons.

First, divorce causes a lot of pain and guilt for everyone involved.  I have heard David Gravelly (a local divorce lawyer) say that the best divorce is terrible, and it only gets worse from there.  Second, culturally we have tried to salve the pain caused by divorce by minimalizing it.  From no fault divorce laws to sitcoms that treat divorce like its just a small hiccup that you have to get over in order to move on with your life after your relationship has lost its passion, the cultural megaphone proclaims that divorce is no big deal.  In reality, divorce is not only a big deal morally, but it causes untold pain for everyone involved no matter how far gone the marriage was in the first place.  Finally, I know many many Christians who have been through divorces whether before they came to faith or after.  Reading these texts can make them feel like they are unforgivable.  More than that, if they have remarried or desire to remarry, they don’t know how to handle Jesus’ words without feeling eternally guilty.  To add on to these cultural grapplings with divorce, most Christian denominations have either handled divorce with kid gloves or boxing gloves.  They either affirm unconditionally anyone who has gone through the pain of divorce without confrontation for their own sinfulness, or they treat them as if they have, in fact, committed the unforgivable sin.  I want to try and walk between these to positions by confronting divorce with what I believe is the truth, but provide hope and comfort from the Gospel.  If, therefore, you are divorced and while reading this you find something hard to swallow, I would encourage you to finish reading the whole article.

It is my desire that we will begin to think more consciously about divorce, and I think the place to start is with Jesus Himself.  Like I said, yesterday we read Matthew 5:31-32, where He says, “It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.”  Now, in order to understand this text, we need to look at two things.  First, we need to look at the background of what Jesus is saying.  Second, we need to read everything Jesus has said about divorce.

So, what is the background of Jesus’ statement here on divorce?  Well, Jesus is entering into what was a cultural, moral, and religious debate in his day.  While divorce is mentioned in the Old Testament law, it is only dealt with casuistically.  In other words, the Law only deals with situations that arise from divorce, it doesn’t talk deal with the particulars of divorce itself.  It doesn’t answer the questions of what are permissible grounds for divorce, who gets the kids, etc..  So, Bible scholars were left to infer the answers to these questions from the scattered references to divorce.

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Honey out of Bitter Juice

As we’ve wrapped up our marriage night and look forward to our next one in June, I thought I’d make some comments on marriage. I’m currently reading Sacred Marriage , by Gary Thomas. In it, Thomas explains that the ultimate reason for marriage is not to make us happy, but to accomplish the purpose of God in our lives to make us holy and to glorify His name. This statement might seem somewhat like a wet blanket, but we need to remember two things. First, as we view our marriages more and more as tools for becoming holy, we will become more happy in our marriages. Second, having a higher view of marriage than simply for our happiness will help marriages to endure the stormy blasts of life. Here’s an excerpt from Thomas’ book, I hope you enjoy!

To spiritually benefit from marriage, we have to be honest. We have to look at our disappointments, own up to our ugly attitudes, and confront our selfishness. We also have to rid ourselves of the notion that the difficulties of marriage can be overcome if we simply pray harder or learn a few simple principles. Most of us have discovered that these “simple steps” work only on a superficial level. Why is this? Because there’s a deeper question that needs to be addressed beyond how we can “improve” our marriage: What if God didn’t design marriage to be “easier”? What if God had an end in mind that went beyond our happiness, our comfort, and our desire to be infatuated and happy as if the world were a perfect place? What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy? What if, as de Sales hints, we are to accept the “bitter juice” because out of it we may learn to draw the resources we need with which to make “the honey of a holy life”?

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Divorce Fair

This came to my attention after our Marriage Night this past Sunday night.  We gathered together at Trinity to celebrate and strengthen our marriages.  In France, they have begun a gathering of a different sort, a Divorce Fair.  The fair’s organizer made this comment:

“For me, that crystalized that divorce has lost its stigma and is really a commonplace thing,” Gaumet told The Associated Press. “Lots of people going through divorces — and also people getting separated or who are widowed — are looking for information on how to bounce back and how to reconstruct.” “We have long had the Marriage Fair,” a massive annual trade fair in Paris catering to brides-to-be, “and I thought, ‘why not a fair for people going through separations?,'” said Gaumet, adding that some 4,000 people visited the event over the weekend. “That’s a real success for a first-time exhibition.”  the rest is here…

In a world where everything has become disposable, it shouldn’t surprise us that divorce is a common life experience.  However, this should not be so in the Church.  The Bible shows marriage as an intimate and indissolvable bond which mirrors the inter-Trinitarian intimacy of God to a world that’s forgotten what love looks like.  This is not to say that divorce is the unforgiveable sin.  Rather, for those of us who are married, we should see the divorce culture as an opportunity for “let[ting our] light so shine before men, that they see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.”(Matthew 5:16)  These kinds of marriages don’t come without work.  So, go home tonight and talk with your spouse.  Agree to read a book together, go to a Christian marriage retreat, commit to praying together every night, etc.  Find one way that you can grow in intimacy in your marriage and pray that God would use it to glorify Himself.

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